


Obsessions

by Choi Eimi (Siyah_Kedi)



Series: Confessions [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: I'm being lazy with these tags, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 14:29:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14107371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siyah_Kedi/pseuds/Choi%20Eimi
Summary: Baekhyun and Chanyeol have been together for about a year now, but all is not going as well as it should be. When an old flame from Chanyeol's past suddenly comes into their lives, Baekhyun must decide what's worth fighting for - and if it's worth it at all.





	1. Where Did We Go Wrong?

 

Baekhyun shifted slightly in the bed, wondering what he was supposed to do.  If he rolled over to cuddle, would he be rejected? Should he just stay where he was?  He didn’t know, and the uncertainty was driving him slowly crazy. They hadn’t touched outside of work in weeks.  The quick, perfunctory kisses in the morning hardly counted. He felt like he was lying next to a stranger. 

 

“Chanyeol?” he whispered suddenly.  There was no answer, and Baekhyun sighed.  “Sleeping, huh? Lucky.” 

 

He shifted, and heard Chanyeol sigh next to him.  Not sleeping then, ignoring him. Baekhyun swallowed past a lump in his throat.  Someone – he still didn’t know who, or why – had paid off the bills from his mother’s lengthy hospital stay, and so all the money he’d been making from Sinful Confessions was simply piling up in his bank account.  He didn’t even need to pay rent, or buy clothes – after his near-disastrous illness almost a year ago, Chanyeol had insisted he move in, and took care of everything Baekhyun could ever want. He had fine clothes, jewelry, movies, anything he even looked at for more than a second.  Chanyeol had delighted in presenting him with gifts and showering attention on him. 

 

And yet… it wasn’t enough.  

 

He didn’t know how it had happened, but somewhere along the way, they’d lost sight of themselves.  Things fell into a routine. They went to work in the mornings, filmed or sent out merchandise, ran the social media, and then they came home, often to different rooms.  Baekhyun could feel his relationship slipping past his fingers, feel the affection die. They were more like roommates who worked together than the deeply-in-love boyfriend’s they’d been when he first moved in.  

 

He didn’t know what was wrong.

 

He didn’t know how to fix it.  

  
_ Should I get my own place again?   _ He wondered.  He didn’t want to move out; leaving would be admitting that things had gone irrevocably wrong.  And he still  _ loved _ Chanyeol.  He just… didn’t think Chanyeol loved him anymore.  


	2. When The Fire Dies, Blow On It

 

Baekhyun and Chanyeol arrived together at Sinful Confessions the next morning.  Most of the others were standing around, bleary-eyed, with coffee in their hands and blank expressions.  Kris darted between them, looking entirely too bright for such an early-hour meeting. Even Tao seemed a little foggy.  

 

“Sorry for calling you out so early,” Kris said, buzzing with excitement.  “You know how I’ve been promising we’re going to get a new soundstage? Well, I finally figured out who to call for help.”

 

Baekhyun brightened.  He’d been in on Kris’s brainstorming sessions, trying to interject new spice into the company and its products, but this was the first time he’d heard of anything actually being implemented.  He glanced across the room at Chanyeol, but his boyfriend was gazing disinterestedly at the window. Baekhyun deflated a little. 

 

“We’re going to have a dedicated BDSM stage,” Kris announced.  “We got all our equipment over the weekend, and I’ve asked a local dom to come in and show us how to work on it, and safety lessons for more realistic scenes.”

 

The room buzzed to excited life as everyone began gossiping about their guest, and the new stage.  

 

“Do you think he’ll be scary?” Sehun wondered.  

 

“Not at all,” an unfamiliar voice said from the door.  Baekhyun turned with the rest of them, and was startled by how  _ normal _ he seemed.  Even after a year of working in the sex industry, he had a hard time believing people couldn’t just see it on his face somewhere.  The man exuded power and masculinity, and a curious sort of controlled power. Baekhyun felt smaller just looking at him. “My name is Sarang, I’m the co-owner and manager of SiyahSarang’s, an alternative lifestyle club in Gangnam.”  

 

He moved into the room as he spoke, practically gliding.  His smooth voice set butterflies fluttering in Baekhyun’s stomach, and he wondered what it would be like to be dominated by this man.  Even Tao swallowed convulsively when Sarang looked at him, and Tao was singularly devoted to Kris. 

 

“Okay guys, its stage eleven.”  Kris beamed over his surprise. As everyone herded towards the new soundstage, Baekhyun fell back to walk with Chanyeol.  He felt nervous for some reason, and the butterflies turned to ice. 

 

“What do you think of this guy?” He asked, realising that now he was near, he had no idea what he wanted to say.  He just wanted to make sure Chanyeol still affected him, too. 

 

Chanyeol was busy on his phone.  “Hmm? Oh, Sarang? He’s alright.”  Barely surfacing to speak, Chanyeol dove right back into his screen.  Baekhyun blinked, and fought down the hurt. What had he done to deserve this from Chanyeol, he wondered.  What could he do to make things like they were in the beginning? Kris and Tao had been together for years, and they still looked at each other like the moon and sun rose in the other’s eyes.  Baekhyun couldn’t even get Chanyeol to look at him outside of filming. 

 

Baekhyun sped up, practically skipping to get into the room.  It was dark, and decadent, and most of the equipment looked like something out of a medieval torture chamber.  Baekhyun’s eyes widened as he took everything in. 

 

“We’ll go around each machine once,” Sarang announced.  “And I’ll be available day or night if you need refreshers.”  He smirked, and it somehow felt like a touch. Baekhyun swallowed around a suddenly dry mouth, and Sehun looked a little pale.  Everyone was staring at Sarang – except Chanyeol, who was texting furiously. 

 

“I’ll need a volunteer,” Sarang said, looking over the gathered crew.  Baekhyun shivered when Sarang’s gaze landed on him. “Feel like showing off?” Sarang asked wickedly.  Baekhyun stepped forward, and allowed Sarang to demonstrate how to safely restrain the sub against all the different crosses, beams, bars and frames Kris had brought in.  Baekhyun could see the wheels in Kris’s brain turning as he tried to imagine the things that could be done in a room like this. 

 

Once they were done, Sarang expressed interest in the rest of the stages, and as the rest of them dispersed to discuss the next weeks filming schedule, Baekhyun followed Kris and Sarang on a tour of the building. 

 

“Privacy is of the utmost importance in my club,” Sarang was saying.  “I don’t even allow cameras in the front door, so seeing your setup is giving me goosebumps.”  

 

Baekhyun laughed.  “So what’s it like being in that kind of lifestyle?  What do people get out of it?”

 

“What do you get out of being a porn star?” Sarang countered.  

 

“I’m not really a  _ star, _ ” Baekhyun demurred.  “But at first it was just a paycheck.”

 

“You are, actually,” Kris interjected.  “You’re my most popular actor, you even beat out Chanyeol on popularity polls.”  Baekhyun paled and then flushed. 

 

Sarang laughed.  “I even know your name, Baekhyun,” he said.  “Some of my patrons brought in some of your films a few weeks ago, just before Kris contacted me about your soundstage, actually.  I think you’d look good in restraints.” His gaze unfocused as he stared at Baekhyun, who shifted nervously and wondered what he was thinking about.  

 

“Would you be willing to film with us?” Kris asked suddenly.  Sarang looked thoughtful. 

 

“Did you have anything in mind?” 

 

“No,” Kris admitted, “But I can think of something.” He too turned his eyes on Baekhyun, who gulped.  

 

“Me?” 

 

“Why not?” Sarang turned his focused gaze back to Baekhyun, who suddenly felt like there wasn’t enough air in the room.  “Kris said you have… issues. With intimacy.”

 

Baekhyun flushed.  “I do,” he muttered.  

 

“What about erotic hypnosis?” 

 

“What?” The word was oddly echoing, and for a moment, Baekhyun thought he was hearing things.  Then he realised Sehun and Tao had appeared and all three of them had spoken at the same time. 

 

“You’re not getting into trouble, are you?” Kris asked, suspiciously.  Sehun smiled brightly. 

 

“Luhan and Chen are checking out the new soundstage, and kicking around ideas for a new movie,” he said.  Kris sighed and turned towards the new room.

 

“I’d better go make sure they don’t break anything.  Baekhyun, can you keep showing Sarang around?” 

 

Baekhyun agreed nervously, and shyly looked back at Sarang. “So, what’s… how do you hypnotise someone erotically?” 

 

The dom smiled wolfishly.  “The same way you’d hypnotise someone for non-sexual purposes.  It can be an interesting way of restraining someone, when you implant a command that a keyword will immobilize them.  I froze my sub in the supermarket the other day, and he was unable to move until I released him, just by using the command.”  

 

Baekhyun’s mouth dropped open.  “That seems scary,” he admitted.  

 

“It’s fun,” Sarang assured him.  “Why don’t we attempt it on you? It’d be an interesting experiment.” 

 

Baekhyun looked around for Chanyeol, but didn’t see him.  “Okay,” he agreed.

 

*

 

“You’re too tense,” Sarang said.  They were set up in the regular bedroom, the crew in place to film everything.  Sarang had donned a silver mask that hid most of his face from view, and somehow added to the allure of his mystique.  Baekhyun was lying on the bed, fully clothed, and feeling like he was going to disappoint everyone. The entire room was dead silent except for Sarang’s words.  

 

“Close your eyes and relax,” he ordered.  “Start with your toes and relax every part of your body.  You can feel your toes tingling, becoming relaxed, and like a wave, the relaxation moves up to your ankles.  Your ankles are completely relaxed. And your calves. Now, your knees are relaxing, so loose and free. You cannot move your feet, but you don’t care because it’s so relaxing, so nice to drift and feel the relaxing tingles move up into your thighs.”  His voice was smooth, deep, almost monotone, and as he spoke, Baekhyun could feel his words becoming true. It felt like his legs had disappeared completely. “Your stomach is tingling, relaxing, and now your chest. The feeling of relaxation spreads down into your shoulders, your elbows,” Sarang continued.  “Your fingers are completely relaxed and at ease.” 

 

His hands disappeared off his mental map.  It was as if he was simply a head, lying on the pillow with no body to worry about.  

 

“Now your face,” Sarang chanted.  “Every muscle in your face is smooth, tingling, and now your mind is empty.  Nothing exists for you except for my voice, my voice creates you, and without my voice you do not exist.”  He paused, and Baekhyun felt himself vanish. It was peaceful, soothing. “Good,” Sarang said. “Every part of you that is relaxed is now tingling with life, with pleasure.  You feel so good, you want to touch yourself, but you can do nothing without my permission.” 

 

Pleasure rushed through the nothingness where his body had been.  Baekhyun was panting, lazy tendrils of desire curling through him.  

 

“When you awaken, you will remember nothing of this,” Sarang commanded.  “When I say the word  _ freeze _ , your body becomes mine.  You can do nothing that I do not command.  Your mind becomes my puppet. You want to obey me, because obeying feels  _ so good, _ and you want to feel good.  You want to please me. When I tell you to  _ feel _ , you will let go of your inhibitions.  You will become a mindless being, made only for pleasure, but you will not come until I tell you.  You will live for my permission, and you will enjoy it. I’m going to count backwards from ten. When I reach one, you will awaken and you will obey me.” 

 

Baekhyun listened to the numbers as he slowly counted down.  At  _ one, _ he opened his eyes and looked around.  Everyone was tense, holding their breath.  “What happened?” Baekhyun asked. “Did it work?” 

 

“Do you think it worked?” Sarang asked.  “What did you experience?” 

 

Baekhyun stretched languidly.  “You were walking me through relaxing,” he said.  Someone snickered from behind their camera. “I was just kind of drifting.  Everything felt peaceful.” 

 

“Good,” Sarang said, smirking beneath his mask.  “That’s how you’re supposed to  _ feel. _ ” 

 

Nothing changed.  No one moved. Not even the air conditioning made a sound.  But suddenly Baekhyun’s body was on fire, burning to be touched.  He could practically feel his pupils dilating, and his mouth dropped open as he tried to get air into his starving lungs.  Baekhyun whimpered, wondering what they’d done to him, and how he could make it  _ stop. _

 

“Are you horny, Baekhyun?” Sarang whispered, coming closer.  “Do you want to be touched?”

 

“Oh god yes,” Baekhyun whimpered.  “What…?”

 

“Your body obeys my commands,” Sarang said.  “I want you to  _ feel _ more intensely.”  

 

His skin lit up like fireworks, nerves tingling as even the light contact with his clothes caused pleasurable tingles through him.  Baekhyun fell backwards against the bed, and then Kai was there, climbing slowly towards him and tugging the hem of his shirt up. Baekhyun helped, eager to be naked and skin-to-skin with someone, anyone.  Kai kissed him, and instead of the usual detachment Baekhyun felt with anyone who wasn’t Chanyeol, it urged him higher. He struggled to get Kai out of his tee-shirt, wanting to feel him. He whimpered as they separated to peel the clothes off, needing the contact like he needed air.  Every touch ignited him until he was hard and throbbing inside the confines of his jeans. Kai laughed breathlessly. 

 

The world dwindled to just the two of them.  Baekhyun lost the cameras, and the lights, and the eyes, and all he could think about was getting Kai in him and quenching the raging inferno his veins had become.  “Fuck,” Baekhyun breathed, rolling them and rocking his hips against Kai’s burgeoning erection. “Fuck me,” he whispered. Kai rolled him again until Baekhyun was under him once more, fumbling with the button on his jeans.  There was nothing romantic or artful about it, just pure, unadulterated need. Kai fumbled with the lube, and then pushed into him, drawing a helpless moan out of Baekhyun. Then they were fucking, and Baekhyun loved it, couldn’t imagine how he’d ever gone without fucking Kai before.  His world was reduced to the powerful, short thrusts that pushed the pleasure ever higher, and the sloppy kisses Kai was exchanging with him as Baekhyun whimpered helplessly into his mouth. 

 

The pleasure mounted, but wouldn’t crest.  Baekhyun passed the point where he should have collapsed in orgasm, clutching at Kai’s back helplessly as his body refused to climax.  “Fuck,” he moaned, thrashing. Kai shifted until he was on his knees, Baekhyun’s hips awkwardly in the air as he continued thrusting. Baekhyun locked his ankles behind Kai’s back as Kai placed his own hands behind his head, using the power of his hips to fuck Baekhyun through the mattress.  Then he pulled Baekhyun’s hands up above his head. When Baekhyun reached for him again, the long-forgotten Sarang said, “Freeze, Baekhyun.” 

 

Instantly it was as if the ties between his body and brain had been cut.  His hands fell limply to the bed and even his legs became useless. Kai slipped out of him as he suddenly became lifeless, and then grinned, shifting their position so that Baekhyun was on his side, his legs pushed up to his chest and started again.  The angle was something he’d never experienced before, and Baekhyun saw stars. Helplessly, he became aware he was begging, but he couldn’t hear the sound of his own voice over the blood rushing through his ears. 

 

He felt Kai stiffen above him, felt the throbbing of his dick as he emptied himself into Baekhyun’s body, and  _ still _ he couldn’t reach the same plateau.  Wondering if they were just going to leave him like this forever, Baekhyun sobbed until Sarang commanded, “Come.” 

 

His orgasm crashed through him like a tidal wave, sweeping away everything but the pleasure.  When he came to, Kai was brushing hair off his forehead, and Sarang was hovering nearby with some Gatorade.  

 

“Do you need anything?  Water?” 

 

Baekhyun shook his head, and smiled helplessly in the aftermath of the devastating pleasure.  He’d never felt that with anyone else before. He was a little embarrassed it had come at someone else’s command, that Sarang had actually been able to hypnotise him into having sex with someone, and he suddenly missed Chanyeol’s cuddling.  He sat up, realised he could, and looked around. Chanyeol was nowhere to be seen. 

 

The smile faded from his face.  Chanyeol had never once failed to be in on his scenes with the others.  Not once, since that very first time between Sehun and Luhan. Baekhyun felt like he’d been doused with cold water.  Stiffly, he climbed out of the bed and retreated to the shower room, turning the water on as hot as it would go and raising his face up with the hopes that the water would hide evidence of his tears.

 

*

 

Unaware of what was going on inside, Chanyeol was grinning widely at his phone.  Himchan had suddenly texted him, saying he was back in town, and did Chanyeol want to meet for dinner?

 

Chanyeol slipped out to the front, and called him.  “Hey,” Himchan said warmly. Chanyeol felt a thrill of excitement.  He hadn’t heard Himchan’s voice since that fateful day when he’d announced he was taking a modeling position with a different company, and they were flying him to China for his first shoot in the morning.  It had devastated Chanyeol for a while, until Kris found Baekhyun somewhere and Chanyeol found himself opening up to the spastic shorter man, but he’d never stopped missing Himchan. 

 

“Hey yourself,” Chanyeol said, unable to stop the stupid smile on his face.  “Where did you have in mind?” 

 

“Toni’s?” 

 

“Excellent, I’ll meet you there.” 

 

“Chanyeol?”

 

Chanyeol turned and saw Baekhyun.  His hair was wet, and his eyes were wide.  “Who are you talking to?” 

 

Chanyeol swallowed.  “My aunt’s in town,” he lied.  “I’ll be home late tonight, don’t wait up for me.”

 

Baekhyun nodded slowly, and Chanyeol traced a drop of water as it slid down his cheek like a tear. 

 

“Did you shower?”

 

Baekhyun looked up at him and scoffed.  “Have fun with your aunt,” he said instead of answering, and let himself back into the building.  On the phone, Himchan was laughing.

 

“Your  _ aunt? _ ” he asked.  “Am I your  _ maiden _ aunt or your  _ married _ aunt?” He hooted.  “So who’s the nosy kid?” 

 

Chanyeol swallowed.  “No one,” he said. “Just my partner at Confessions.” 


	3. Let's Be Alone Together

 

For the third time that week, Chanyeol texted after work and said he was going out to meet his aunt.  Baekhyun didn’t even bother responding; he just tossed the phone onto the coffee table and curled up on the couch, under a blanket.  Sleeping alone in Chanyeol’s enormous bed was never appealing at the best of times. 

 

Now, Baekhyun barely even went into the room.  Chanyeol had been going out more often, and was home even less. Baekhyun could feel his relationship falling apart at the seams, and had no idea how to fix it.  He turned the TV on and pointed his eyes at it without seeing any of the actors. It was simply background noise that failed to drown out the voice of his thoughts.  

 

_ I’m losing him, and I don’t know why.  I don’t know what I did wrong. I don’t know how to fix it. _

 

Kris was as understand as ever, especially when Chanyeol often didn’t even bother to show up most days.  “He’s got a family member or something visiting from out of town,” Kris reassured him. As if this was supposed to make him feel better.  Baekhyun gave him props for trying, and focused his energy into updating the online shop, filling orders, and making sure the company accounts were balanced. No one pressed him to film, everyone tiptoed around Chanyeol’s name, as if it was a bomb that might go off at any moment.  Some days, Baekhyun couldn’t even bear to be in the same room as the others, couldn’t stand their pitying glances, and the lovey-dovey atmosphere between Kris and Tao, or Luhan and Sehun. 

 

He fell asleep on the couch, wondering if this would be the day Chanyeol didn’t come home. Wondering if this was the time he should just quietly move out, and leave Chanyeol alone to live his own life.  

 

*

 

A muffled thump and a muttered curse brought him jolting out of sleep.  A glance at the clock told him it was after three in the morning, and Baekhyun slowly reached out from under the blanket to retrieve his phone from the table.  He hid it under the blanket to hide the light, and keyed in the emergency number. A light came on, blinding him momentarily, and then Chanyeol’s fuzzy voice emerged from the white spots in front of his eyes.

 

“Baekhyun?  What are you doing on the couch?” 

 

Too relieved for words for a moment, Baekhyun cleared the unsent phone call and melted against the cushion.  Then anger whipped to life inside him. “Oh, you decided to come home finally?” 

 

“I – I’m sorry,” Chanyeol said, deflated.  “After dinner, we were drinking, and got to talking, and I guess I lost track of time.  Why don’t we go to bed?” 

 

“I’m fine where I am.”  Baekhyun sniffed. Chanyeol drew back, startled by the venom in his tone.  

 

“Wow, fine, be that way,” he snapped, and withdrew.  Baekhyun heard the bedroom door slam, and lock. He threw the covers over his head and wondered why they were like this.  

 

When the sun rose later, Baekhyun was still awake.  He called Kris, told him they wouldn’t be coming in today either, and turned on the TV.  Later in the afternoon, Chanyeol emerged from their room bleary-eyed and apologetic. 

 

“I’m sorry, honey,” he said, and sat down beside Baekhyun, slipping one arm around his shoulders.  “I shouldn’t have stayed out so late.” 

 

“It’s okay,” Baekhyun said hollowly.  “You haven’t seen your aunt in a long time, right?  You should have time to catch up.” Chanyeol squeezed him, and then set his phone down on the coffee table.  

 

“I’m gonna get a shower,” he said, and bent to press a perfunctory kiss on the top of Baekhyun’s head.  “Thanks for understanding, Baekhyun.” 

 

Baekhyun didn’t even watch him go.  A few minutes later, the pipes banged to life as Chanyeol started his shower.  Six months ago, Baekhyun might have slipped in behind him and helped him wash. Now, he turned the volume on the TV back up and tried to ignore the ache in his chest.  

 

On the table, Chanyeol’s phone lit up.  It drew Baekhyun’s attention, although he didn’t mean to snoop.  Once he saw the message, he wished he’d left the room instead of staying where he could see it. 

 

_ Hey sexy! We still on for dinner?  I’m touching myself right now thinking about you. My window is open and everything, and I know anyone could look inside and see me, but you get me so hot and horny that I couldn’t help it.   _

 

Baekhyun felt hot, and then cold, and then numb.  Here was undeniable proof. Chanyeol was seeing someone else.   _ Maybe there’s another explanation, _ he tried to rationalise.  This was a new text message, apparently from someone who didn’t know Chanyeol was in a relationship.  Baekhyun got dirty emails all the time. The pipes still banged out the rhythm of Chanyeol’s shower, and Baekhyun’s curiousity got the better of him.

 

He opened the message, and replied.   _ Who is this? _

 

_ Don’t be silly, Yeol.  It’s me, Himchan. Did you forget to save my number last night?  How are you feeling anyway? You were pretty drunk. _

 

Baekhyun’s eyebrows drew together.  The name was familiar, but he couldn’t quite place it.  Then it hit him; Himchan had been Chanyeol’s partner and by all accounts, lover, before Baekhyun came to Sinful Confessions.  Baekhyun had filled Himchan’s place as Chanyeol’s partner in the movies, and later, beyond all expectations, his place as Chanyeol’s boyfriend.   _ This _ was the “aunt” Chanyeol had been seeing?  He’d been lying from the very beginning? 

 

_ Yeol? _

 

_ This is Chanyeol’s boyfriend.  _  Baekhyun was shaking so hard he could barely type.  He didn’t stop to think about what he was writing.  _ Please stop texting him and seeing him. _  He sent the message and erased his conversation, leaving the incriminating text to ask Chanyeol what the hell was going on.  The water stopped suddenly, and Baekhyun’s heart leapt up into his throat. 

 

The phone buzzed again.   _ Nice try, Yeol, you told me you didn’t have a boyfriend!  Quit playing. _

 

Baekhyun felt like he’d been sucker punched.  All the air  _ whooshed _ out of his lungs, and he gasped for breath.  Chanyeol appeared in only a towel. “I’m going out tonight,” he tossed off casually.  “I’ve got that dinner meeting with the investors for Kris.” 

 

Baekhyun laughed woodenly, and Chanyeol paused in the doorway.  

 

“Are you okay?” 

 

“Are you cheating on me?” 

 

Chanyeol’s mouth dropped open, and then his gaze dropped to the phone in Baekhyun’s hand. He scowled.  “You read my text messages?” 

 

“It was right there,” Baekhyun defended.  “I didn’t even mean to see it and I wish to god I hadn’t!  Answer me!  _ Are you cheating? _ ” 

 

Chanyeol crossed the room in three steps, and snatched the phone away from him.  “I haven’t slept with him, no,” he said stiffly. “I have been seeing him, though.  We haven’t seen each other in over a year.” 

 

“Then why lie?” Baekhyun was crying, and he hated it but couldn’t seem to stop.  “Why did you tell me – tell Kris – it was your  _ aunt? _  Why couldn’t you just say, hey, Himchan’s back in town, I’m going to hang out with him for a bit?”

 

“I don’t know!” Chanyeol shouted, looming over him.  “Because I didn’t know how you’d react!” 

 

“I wouldn’t have reacted at all!  Because I loved you!” Baekhyun was on his feet too, hands curled into fists at his side.  “Because I trusted you! How long have you been seeing him, Chanyeol? Is this why we don’t fuck anymore?  You haven’t even touched me outside of work in a month, did you even know that? Do you know how I felt, wondering what the fuck I did wrong?”

 

Chanyeol’s face fell.  “Baekhyun, please, I don’t want to have this conversation right now.”  

 

“Well I do!  I’ve been waiting for a month for you to come back to me, Chanyeol, a  _ month _ of trying to figure out how I could make – make you l-love me again!” His breath was hitching and the tears came faster and harder.  “I thought I was the worst possible boyfriend, and I was starting to hate myself!” 

 

“Baekhyun please!” 

 

“But it wasn’t my fault,” Baekhyun said, with an empty laugh.  “It was your fault, because your ex-boyfriend showed back up.” 

 

“Don’t even bring Himchan into this,” Chanyeol bellowed.  “I’ve only been seeing him for a week!” 

 

“So it is my fault?”  Baekhyun staggered back like he’d been struck.  

 

“I’ve got to go, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Chanyeol turned on his heel and stalked from the room.  The bedroom door slammed again, rattling the windows. A few minutes later, he emerged, wearing a button-down shirt and tight jeans.  

 

“Just tell me one thing before you go,” Baekhyun said, stopping him in the act of putting his shoes on.  “What did I do wrong?” 

 

“Baekhyun.”

 

Baekhyun could see in his eyes that he wasn’t going to like Chanyeol’s answer.  Part of him pressed onwards, needing to hear it anyway. 

 

“What can I do to fix it?” 

 

“It’s not you,” Chanyeol said.  Baekhyun scoffed.

 

“‘It’s not you, it’s me?’  Really?” 

 

“No, it’s just… I’m just… Nothing’s exciting anymore.” 

 

Baekhyun suddenly realised where it was leading.  His heart dropped, leaden, into his stomach. “Don’t,” he whispered. “Please don’t say it.” 

 

“It’s not either of our faults,” Chanyeol plowed on, speaking over him.  “I’m just…  _ bored. _ ” 

 

Baekhyun snatched up his shoes with a wordless cry and fled the apartment.    

 

*

 

Without knowing exactly how he got there, Baekhyun found himself outside Sarang’s club.  He’d put his shoes on at some point, but he didn’t remember doing that either. The door swung open, revealing a sparkling young man in purple leather.  Behind him, Sarang loomed. They both blinked at him.

 

“You’re Baekhyun, from Sinful Confessions,” the purple-clad man chirped.  

 

“Baekhyun?”  Sarang’s voice.  Baekhyun shivered with remembered heat, flashing back to the day Sarang had helped show them how to use their new equipment and hypnotized him.  The video was one of their most popular already, with close to fifty-thousand purchases. Baekhyun shivered. 

 

“I’m sorry,” he said.  “I don’t know what I’m doing here.” 

 

The younger man looked up curiously at Sarang, who uncrossed his arms and held a hand out to Baekhyun.  “Come on in,” he said. 

 

*

 

There was a beautiful bar at the back of the club.  In a state of numb shock after Chanyeol’s horrific revelation, Baekhyun was barely aware of the curious glances of people around him as Sarang personally escorted him to the polished wooden bar, and tall, plush seats.  

 

The bartender gave him a sour look.  “Do I look like your therapist?” she asked.

 

“Just keep an eye on him and let him drink,” Sarang said.  The bartender sighed, rolling her eyes, and then took a better look at him. 

 

“Oh my god,” she said.  “I know you!” 

 

Baekhyun laughed, and even to himself it sounded hysterical.  “I’m famous in a sex club,” he said, and picked up the shot she set in front of him.  “Cheers,” he said, lifting it to the bartender and knocking it back. 

 

“You look unhappy,” said a voice to the left.  Baekhyun turned, and saw a gorgeous man with white-blond hair.  “I’m Daehyun.” 

 

Baekhyun looked at the proffered hand, and grudgingly shook it.  “Baekhyun,” he said. 

 

“You’re Chanyeol’s costar,” Daehyun said, excitedly.  “I thought I recognised you! I loved your movie Teacher’s Pet.  And the scene you did with Sarang, oh my  _ god _ .” 

 

Baekhyun smiled wanly.    


	4. The One Who Picked Up the Pieces

 

“So you’re really together outside of your movies?” Daehyun’s eyes were shining.  Baekhyun was working on his third beer, after a multitude of shots. The club was swimming pleasantly, and the burn of the alcohol in his blood thawed the ice left behind by Chanyeol’s frosty declaration.  

 

“We were,” Baekhyun sniffled.  “I’m boring,” he added. “I couldn’t even keep a boyfriend.  He said he’s not cheating yet, but Himchan wants him back, and I bore him.”  He took a long swallow of his drink and wiped his eyes. “You must think I’m pathetic.”  

 

“Not at all.  I think you’re incredible.  I don’t know if I could handle my boyfriend going behind my back.  We have a pretty open relationship, though, which is why I’m here by myself.  Let me get you another drink?”

 

“I think I’ve had enough,” Baekhyun said, putting his head down on the bar.  

 

“Just one more?” Daehyun wheedled.  Baekhyun finally accepted, and Daehyun flagged down the bitchy bartender.  She drew two more beers, and left them on the bar. Daehyun brought them closer, offering one to Baekhyun, who drank deeply.  Almost immediately, the lights in the club started dancing. And then spinning. 

 

“I’ve had enough,” Baekhyun slurred, and then slumped over.  He was vaguely aware of Daehyun’s solid body beneath him, supporting him.  

 

“I’ll take you home,” Daehyun promised.  

 

The rest of his senses turned into a blurred mess of colour and impressions.  Vaguely aware, Baekhyun felt himself being half-carried, half-dragged into a car, and then the lights of the dark city flashed past, and then he was being lifted out of the car and taken inside.  The last thing he was aware of was Daehyun thoughtfully removing his clothes, and then everything went dark. 

 

*

 

Baekhyun awoke in the morning feeling sore and stiff, with a terrible taste in his mouth.  He could hear someone moving around beside him, and without turning his head to see, mumbled, “Chanyeol, what did we do last night?” 

 

An unfamiliar laugh answered him.  “I’m not Chanyeol,” the man said. “I’m Daehyun, and you drank yourself unconscious, so I brought you home to sleep it off.” 

 

Baekhyun shot up, and immediately regretted moving as his stomach protested violently.  Daehyun offered him a bucket, and Baekhyun gratefully accepted it, embarrassed that he couldn’t even make it to the bathroom.  After he was done being sick, Daehyun took the bucket to the bathroom and washed it out, returning with a glass of water. 

 

“I’ve got to go to work,” Daehyun said, “But you’re welcome to stay as long as you like.”  He left the bucket nearby, and let himself out of the room. Baekhyun looked around, grateful he’d met someone like Daehyun. His phone was nearby, flashing new messages.  There were thirteen missed calls and five new texts. Blinking in surprise, Baekhyun opened his logs. They were all from Chanyeol. 

 

Confused, he checked his messages.  There was an outgoing message to Chanyeol that he hadn’t written, informing Chanyeol that he’d gotten black-out drunk and had been taken to a friend’s house.  Chanyeol messaged back, asking if he was alright. When no answer was forthcoming, Chanyeol’s increasingly urgent texts evidently culminated in phone calls. 

 

_ What do you mean he got drunk?  Is he okay?  _

 

_ Baekhyun, answer me, are you alright?  Where are you, I’ll come get you. _

 

_ BAEKHYUN PICK UP YOUR PHONE _

 

_ BAEKHYUN, PLEASE I’M SORRY JUST COME HOME _

 

_ ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE BAEKHYUN I CAN’T STAND THIS _

 

Baekhyun laughed humorlessly.   _ It’s not so great when you’re on the other side, is it? _ He thought, and typed a reply.  

 

_ I’m fine, Chanyeol.  I’ll be home later. _

 

Almost as soon as he sent it, his phone was ringing.  He answered it and was met with Chanyeol’s aggravated baritone.  “Where the hell have you been? Where are you? Do you know I was worried sick?” 

 

“Did you have fun with Himchan?” Baekhyun asked snidely.  Chanyeol’s irate tirade cut off and he sighed. 

 

“We just had dinner,” Chanyeol said.  “Which was cut off by that text message last night.  Where the fuck did you go?” 

 

Baekhyun stared at his phone.  Even after that disastrous conversation, Chanyeol had gone right on out and met with Himchan.  “A bar,” he said frostily. “I’ll be home later.” 

 

“Did you fuck him?  Is that what this is about?” 

 

“What?  No, of course not.”  Baekhyun’s face twisted.  “I’m not going to go behind  _ your _ back and lie!” He hung up suddenly and threw the phone down.  His stomach roiled again, and he reached anxiously for the bucket.  He’d never gotten so drunk that he threw up before, and he didn’t like the feeling.  When he carefully climbed out of the bed, his legs wobbled and then gave out entirely.  His entire body throbbed in pain as he hit the ground on all fours, wondering what the hell had happened to leave him in this state.  But after that last drink, everything was a complete blank. 

 

Carefully, Baekhyun picked himself up and borrowed Daehyun’s shower, before calling a cab to take him home.  

 

*

 

A few days later, Daehyun called him again while he was at work.  After finishing up the scene, Baekhyun showered and checked his phone.  He couldn’t help the smile that stretched across his face when he saw who it was from, and let himself outside to get some privacy.  

 

“You caught me at work,” Baekhyun admitted.  Daehyun purred.

 

“That’s so hot.  When will it be available?” 

 

It was a little weird having a fan for a friend, but since all of his other friends were coworkers, Baekhyun wasn’t about to be picky.  “Probably a week, maybe two. What’s up?” 

 

“Oh, I found a neat little Italian place, and wanted to know if you wanted to have lunch with me?” 

 

Baekhyun checked the time, considered his schedule, and then agreed.  Hanging up, he went in search of Kris. “I’m heading out,” he said. “If you see Chanyeol, let him know I’ll meet him at home.” 

 

Kris, who knew their relationship was rocky, gripped his shoulder.  “I will,” he said. “Look, Baekhyun, if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.” 

 

“Thanks,” Baekhyun said, and meant it.  He ducked out and met Daehyun for lunch.  

 

*

 

“I’m going to be honest,” Baekhyun said, a week later.  “I’m still with Chanyeol, and I’m not going to cheat on him.” 

 

“Don’t you think he’s cheating on you, though?” 

 

Baekhyun scowled.  “I know he’s seeing someone else, but there’s a difference between seeing someone and cheating,” he announced.  “I’m not interested in sleeping around, is what I’m trying to say.” 

 

Daehyun lifted both hands defensively.  “I’m not saying I wouldn’t jump at the chance to get you into bed,” he said.  “But I respect your boundaries.” One side of his lips curled up as he spoke. “Although, you should come back to the club.  It might be relaxing for you, and sex doesn’t have to come into it.” 

 

“Back to Sarang’s?” Baekhyun asked, startled.  “Maybe,” he said. 

 

But the next night, when Daehyun pressed him again, Baekhyun agreed.  “I just want to watch,” Baekhyun said, settling himself in one of the seats surrounding an occupied stage.  

 

“I’ll get you a drink,” Daehyun said.  Baekhyun watched the scene between the sub and the dom, curiously, and accepted the hot-pink liquid Daehyun offered him.  “It’s strong,” Daehyun warned. “Angelique’s training a new bartender, she can’t keep up with the demand anymore.” 

 

“Angelique?” Baekhyun took a sip, and found that it bit sharply, but left a sweet aftertaste.  He drank more deeply. 

 

“The bartender,” Daehyun’s voice came from far away.  “Are you okay? Baekhyun?” 

 

*

 

Baekhyun came to in an almost-familiar room.  “What the fuck?” His tongue felt fuzzy and too large inside his dry mouth.  He’d felt this way once before, the last time he went out drinking with Daehyun, too.  Maybe the club used a different kind of alcohol that didn’t sit well with him, he decided.  

 

“Are you alright?  You scared me. You suddenly passed out.”  Daehyun appeared with wet hair, having evidently just showered.  The roots of his hair were dark, and Baekhyun realised he probably bleached it.  

 

“I don’t think I should drink anymore,” Baekhyun said, and wobbled to his feet.  His shirt was missing, and his pants were undone. Suddenly self-conscious, he collected himself and straightened up.  There was something a little off about everything. It felt like there was a cue he was missing, but Baekhyun was still too disoriented to place it.  “Can you give me a ride home?” 

 

“Of course.”  

 

They were silent in the car, but Baekhyun couldn’t shake the feeling of being uncomfortable in his skin.  The only problem was, he had no idea why. Daehyun was the soul of solicitousness, even offering to bring him dinner later, but Baekhyun demurred, feeling the need for a shower.  Chanyeol was sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the television when Baekhyun walked in.

 

“Where have you been?” Chanyeol asked, voice low and forcibly calm.  

 

“I went out with a friend,” Baekhyun defended himself.  “Don’t you have a date with Himchan tonight?”

 

Chanyeol scowled.  “Fuck you,” he snapped, and stalked out of the room.  

 

Baekhyun bit back a nasty comment, and took Chanyeol’s place on the couch.  He waited all night, hoping Chanyeol would come home so he could apologise for the horrible things they’d said, but it was morning before he knew it.  Baekhyun checked Chanyeol’s room, and discovered that the bed hadn’t even been slept in. 

 

There was no doubt about it; Chanyeol had stayed the night with Himchan.  Baekhyun packed quickly, unable to believe either what he was doing, or what Chanyeol had done.  It seemed like he’d sunk into a haze through which nothing could penetrate. Even when he left a note, with his housekey, on the kitchen table, informing Chanyeol that he was leaving, he was barely aware of having done it.   He checked into a hotel, and immediately began looking for apartments for rent. By the next day, he was signing the lease for an apartment in Nonhyeon-dong, on the other side of Gangnam-gu. Still in a state of disconnected numbness, he called Kris. 

 

“I’m sorry, Kris,” he said.  “But I won’t be coming back.” 

 

“What?  What happened?  Baekhyun? Are you okay?” 

 

“You know Chanyeol’s been cheating on me with Himchan, right?” Baekhyun asked tonelessly.  Kris’s outraged shriek echoed through the phone.

 

“He’s  _ what? _ ” 

 

“Been seeing Himchan for a couple weeks.  He just didn’t come home the other night. Not even a phone call or a text message.”   Even Daehyun had had the good sense to text Chanyeol and inform him that Baekhyun was ill and staying away.  But Himchan apparently didn’t have that kind of courtesy, to say nothing of Chanyeol himself. “So I left.” 

 

The reality of his situation was beginning to sink in.  Even living in Gangnam-gu, he had enough money saved up to live comfortably for nearly a year.  And he couldn’t bear the thought of going back to work for Sinful Confessions. But that left him with an entirely empty, unfurnished apartment that was all his own, and no job, and no friends and no boyfriend.  

 

“Baekhyun, please come in and talk to me about this,” Kris was pleading.  “I can’t just let you go like this, don’t act stupid.” 

 

“I’ve already got a new place,” Baekhyun said woodenly.  “I just wanted you to know why I wasn’t coming back.” He hung up, and then turned his phone off for good measure.  Then he looked around his apartment, and decided it was time to do a little bit of shopping. 

 

By the end of the evening, he had a serviceable couch, a bed, and a television, as well as some essentials for cooking.  He turned the TV on for noise, and listened to it echoing around the empty room. He couldn’t quite believe he’d just left like that.  

 

Just walked out and left his entire life behind.  

 


	5. When Things Can't Go Anymore Wrong

 

“So you’re single now,” Daehyun said, the next time they met for dinner. It was rapidly becoming Baekhyun’s favourite place to eat, an Italian restaurant run by a family of actual Italians.  They treated him warmly, and best of all, didn’t recognise him from his work. “And you live alone? I bet that’s a shock.” 

 

Baekhyun shrugged.  “I lived alone before I lived with Chanyeol.  It’s easier now.” They ate in silence for a while, and when he was done, Daehyun reached across the table and took Baekhyun’s hand in his, stroking the skin lightly.  Baekhyun continued his earlier statement thoughtfully, “I’m going to have to find a new job eventually, though.” 

 

Daehyun was so startled he dropped Baekhyun’s hand.  “You quit? Why did you quit?” 

 

“I can’t work with him anymore,” Baekhyun said slowly, as if Daehyun was an idiot.  He realised it a moment later and slapped himself in the forehead.

 

“Duh, because that’d be super awkward,” Daehyun sighed.  “But now you’re all alone. You’re too beautiful to be alone,” he said, and took up Baekhyun’s hand again.  “I’m not really in the market for a boyfriend, but I can be an excellent friend with benefits, if you want me to,” he offered.  

 

Baekhyun looked him up and down, considering.  He definitely wasn’t bad looking, and it had been a while since Baekhyun had done something just  _ because. _  “Okay,” he agreed.  They rose in unison, and left money for the bill before leaving together.  Baekhyun didn’t realise it would be weird; he’d been sleeping with his coworkers as well as his boyfriend for a year, but he didn’t take into account how  _ new _ everything would be with Daehyun.  Everything from the way he kissed, to the reverent way he undressed Baekhyun, as though he couldn’t quite believe Baekhyun was there with him.  When they were done, Baekhyun lay in silence, staring up into the darkness between him and the ceiling, missing Chanyeol. 

 

*

 

Chanyeol paced back and forth.  Himchan was smoking, unselfconsciously nude as he stretched artfully over the rumpled sheets, wordlessly inviting Chanyeol back for another go.  “Baekhyun’s a big boy,” he said, voice sultry. “He knows where you’re at, right?”

 

“Yeah, but I’m kinda worried about him,” Chanyeol muttered.  He picked up his phone, dialed Baekhyun’s number, and then closed it without completing the call.  “It’s been a couple days, and I haven’t heard from him yet.” And Kris, when he’d called out, had sounded extremely irate.  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard his friend sound that upset, but he’d refused to explain. “Go home,” Kris had told him, cryptically.  Chanyeol ignored him, which in hindsight was beginning to feel like a bad idea. “It’s been a couple days,” Chanyeol said, spinning on his heel and gathering his clothes.  “I’m gonna go check on him, at least.”

 

“He hasn’t called you or anything,” Himchan pointed out.  

 

“I … said something kinda nasty before I came over,” Chanyeol admitted. Himchan sighed.  As he was on his way out, he overheard Himchan’s phone ring, and his ex-boyfriend answered with, “Hey baby!”

 

It gave him pause.  Himchan had said he’d been seeing someone for a while, and his phone wallpaper was of an attractive man with white-blonde hair.  He’d never said they’d actually broken up, though, and suddenly Chanyeol wondered if he’d done something irreparably stupid. Letting himself out of Himchan’s hotel room, Chanyeol hurried back to his apartment, already composing the apology he would give Baekhyun.  He stopped at a convenience store and picked up a bouquet of flowers, wondering if it was cheesy, or if Baekhyun’s romantic heart would melt over the blooms. 

 

His first clue that something was wrong was several days’ worth of mail in the box.  Suddenly worried that something had happened to Baekhyun while he was gone, Chanyeol fumbled the key into the lock and pushed the door open.

 

“Baekhyun?”  His voice echoed in the silence.  It wasn’t so much the absence of sound as it was the lingering sigh of someone who had gone.  The air was stifled, thick with nothingness. Chanyeol threw the flowers to the ground and raced into the bedroom.  Nothing seemed out of place, but there was something missing. “Baekhyun!” 

 

He went into the living room, but there was no trace of Baekhyun.  Finally, he checked the kitchen. The key on the table told him everything he needed to know, and he barely even saw the note underneath it, in Baekhyun’s looping scrawl.  

 

_ “I can’t do this anymore,” _ it said.   _ “I’m leaving. _ ” 

 

It wasn’t even signed.  Chanyeol realised what a colossal mistake he’d made, choosing the new and exciting Himchan over Baekhyun, who’d loved him.  Looking around again, he finally realised what he wasn’t seeing – Baekhyun’s things. They’d meshed together to the point that he didn’t even think of things in terms of “his” and “Baekhyun’s” anymore; it was all just “theirs.”    But now it truly was just “his.” 

 

Baekhyun was gone.

 

*

 

Weeks passed.  Chanyeol sat behind a camera, dutifully filming Kai acting out the part of a straight jock being tempted by his twink roommate.  Since Baekhyun had walked out on him, everything had taken on a lackluster grey shadow, dissolving the colour out of everything he did or said.  Sehun approached him silently. 

 

“You’ve got to stop moping sometime,” he said.  “Why don’t we go out for drinks after work?” 

 

Chanyeol shook his head.  “Why didn’t you tell me I was being an idiot?”

 

“Because no one knew you were being an idiot except Baekhyun, and he  _ did _ try to tell you?” Sehun offered.  “Seriously, come out tonight. We’re getting worried about you.” 

 

Chanyeol shook his head again.  “It’s just… I can’t,” he said. “I don’t want to do anything without him.  I don’t even know if he’s okay.” 

 

Sehun opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it again quickly.  Chanyeol jumped on him.

 

“You know something,” he accused.  

 

“He texted me the other day,” Sehun admitted.  “He’s doing – well, not fine, he’s miserably unhappy, but he’s not hurt or anything.”  Sehun squeezed Chanyeol’s shoulder. “You’re both miserable apart,” he said softly. “Why don’t you try getting back together?” 

 

“I don’t even know where he went,” Chanyeol said, his heart clenching inside his chest.  Remembering that he was supposed to be filming, he turned his attention back to the screen, zooming in slightly to capture Kai’s face as Luhan began sucking him off.  

 

Sehun shrugged, and stepped aside to watch Luhan and Kai.  This had been scripted for Baekhyun and himself, Chanyeol remembered.  But their abrupt breakup and Baekhyun leaving had eighty-sixed all of the plans they’d made.  Chanyeol realised belatedly that their first anniversary was coming up, and that he would have to celebrate it alone, because he’d been a fucking idiot and walked away from the best thing that had ever happened to him.  

 

Because he’d been  _ bored. _  Because they’d had sex in every conceivable way while working, and having sex outside work had become a chore, felt like work rather than romance.  Over the last several weeks, Chanyeol had tortured himself with images of Baekhyun being happy with some other guy, maybe the friend he’d met at the bar, someone who was romantic and spontaneous, and all the things that Chanyeol had let fall by the wayside in recent months.  Someone who treated Baekhyun the way he deserved to be treated. 

 

“Cut,” Kris called, startling Chanyeol out of his thoughts.  Sehun tilted his head, face brightening. 

 

“I just had an idea,” he told Chanyeol, and raced off the set.  

 

When Chanyeol caught up to him, he was clicking away at a computer.  “I can’t believe I didn’t think of searching for him before. I mean, he’s popular, someone will have seen him somewhere and blogged about it.”  Sehun’s excited grin faded as he took in the results of his search. Curious, Chanyeol came around the desk and looked down at the screen. The top hit for “Byun Baekhyun” was a video, several videos, entitled “Unauthorised Porn Star Baekhyun Sex Tapes!” 

 

“Is this something you two did that might have leaked,” Sehun asked, eyes wide.  Chanyeol shook his head. 

 

“That’s not our room,” he said.  “And besides, if we wanted to make a sex-tape we’d have come here.”  He leaned over Sehun and took control of the mouse, clicking on the video.  It was definitely Baekhyun, being fucked by some blond guy. Jealousy curled through Chanyeol’s stomach like acid.  

 

“He told me he wasn’t sleeping with him!” he snarled, and slammed his fist down on the table.  Sehun shook his head slowly. 

 

“This isn’t like him,” he said.  “You should know, this isn’t what Baekhyun’s like when he’s filming.  I mean, look at him. He doesn’t even look like that when he’s faking it, I think something’s wrong.”  Chanyeol leashed his rage, and took a closer look at the video. Sehun was right; it looked, actually, as if Baekhyun was unconscious.  Chanyeol looked at the upload date; it had been posted the day after Baekhyun’s friend texted him that Baekhyun was drunk and staying over.  Chanyeol’s mouth fell open as the pieces fell into place. 

 

“That  _ son of a bitch, _ ” he growled.  

 

Sehun pulled his phone out, already dialing.  “I’m gonna tell him,” he said, shaking so hard he could barely press the buttons.  “He needs to know.” 

 

The man in the video turned his head slightly, and the lights hit him in just the right way as to expose his face.  Chanyeol realised he recognised the man from a picture he’d seen, on Himchan’s phone. It was Himchan’s boyfriend, Daehyun.  “I know him,” he said, aghast. 

 

“Baekhyun?” Sehun was saying.  “I just, I mean. You – I found.”

 

Chanyeol could hear Baekhyun’s voice through the phone, a little sad, but still bright.  “Tongue-tied much?” He laughed. 

 

Chanyeol lifted the phone from Sehun’s nerveless fingers.  “Are you aware that there’s an unauthorized sex tape of you online?” 

 

Dead silence answered him.  After almost a full sixty seconds, Baekhyun said, cautiously, “Chanyeol?  What?” 

 

Sehun snatched the phone back.  “Search online for your name, it’s there,” he said, half-choked.  “I’ll see what I can do about getting it taken down,” he added. In the suddenly quiet room, the only noises were Sehun’s quiet typing, and the odd, echoing clack of Baekhyun also typing on the other line.  They knew he’d found it when the sound of the video came through the speakers. 

 

“What,” Baekhyun said, stunned.  Chanyeol ached to hold him, knowing that he’d been assaulted once before in his life, by one of his mother’s johns.  Baekhyun choked, and then something crashed. Then silence. 

 

“Baekhyun!” 

 

*

 

Baekhyun was alone in his apartment, his music turned up too loud as he cleaned, trying unsuccessfully to drown out the sound of his own thoughts.  It had occurred to him that he’d misjudged Chanyeol, that years of being his fan had blinded him to Chanyeol’s faults, before he’d jumped feet first into a relationship that hooked him like a fish but left Chanyeol free and easy.  Daehyun, on the other hand, was romantic and funny and solicitous, and everything Baekhyun missed about Chanyeol. He was beginning to wonder if Daehyun was the one he’d been meant to find, instead of Chanyeol. The thought hurt, but it also… intrigued.  

 

Later, he was beginning to debate the merits of getting a cat, when his phone rang.  It was pure luck that he heard it over the sound of his music, and he quickly killed the volume before answering, pleased to see it was Sehun.  He missed his friends, and he even missed his job. He missed Chanyeol like someone had physically removed a part of his body. 

 

When Sehun stumbled and stuttered through a greeting, Baekhyun laughed.  He stopped laughing abruptly when Chanyeol’s voice came through the speaker, dropping horrible words into his ears.  Confused, and alarmed, Baekhyun set his phone down and sat at his computer, waiting for it to start up so he could search for this mysterious video they said was floating around.  Probably it was just something Kris had cut, he told himself, that someone got their hands on somehow and posted as ‘unauthorised,’ but he doubted it was more serious than – 

 

_ That’s Daehyun’s room, _ he realised as the video loaded.  But Daehyun wouldn’t – couldn’t – 

 

Baekhyun remembered Daehyun offering him drinks that made him pass out, and gagged.  He staggered back from the computer, knocking his chair over as he tried to get away from the incriminating video.  He was distantly aware of Sehun and Chanyeol yelling at him through the phone, but all he could think of was getting away from everything.  

 

He flew down the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator, and practically tackled his car, fumbling the door open.  He wasn’t sure what he felt – betrayed, hurt, enraged, sick. They swirled together in a confused morass of emotions that tangled him up.  As he threw the car into gear, all he could think about was getting away and calming down. He’d think about this rationally, and then he’d ask Daehyun about it.  As Baekhyun began navigating his way to the highway, he was almost totally blind to his surroundings. He peripherally noticed that the upcoming light was green, and as he moved into the intersection, it was the last thing he noticed as a car coming the other direction ran a red light and slammed into the side of his car. 

 


	6. The Conflict, Conflicted

 

Baekhyun opened his eyes in the hospital, peripherally aware of the beeping of his heart monitor.  A nurse entered and leaned over him, smiling. 

 

“How are you feeling?” she asked, writing on the clipboard at the end of his bed.   

 

“Woozy,” Baekhyun said.  His head hurt, and so did his leg.  He looked down, and saw a cast on his ankle.  “What happened?” He swallowed around a dry mouth, and looked around to see if there was water nearby.  “I’m thirsty,” he added. 

 

The nurse felt his forehead, and then nodded to herself.  “You were in a car accident, do you remember? You were struck by a drunk driver who ran the light.  You’ve got a concussion, and a broken leg, but you’re going to be fine. We’re going to keep you here overnight just in case, okay?  Do you have any family we should contact?” 

 

Baekhyun shook his head, and regretted it as the room swam around him.  “No family,” he said, and leaned back, closing his eyes to offset the wave of dizziness. “Water?” He repeated his request, and the nurse bustled out.  She returned a few minutes later with a bottle of water. Baekhyun struggled to sit up, and the nurse stopped him, showing him how to adjust the bed so he could be more comfortable.  Baekhyun drank the water gratefully, and relaxed against the pillow. He wondered in an offhand way if he should contact Daehyun, and then remembered what had led to him being in his car in the first place.  Then he remembered Chanyeol, but was drifting off to sleep before he could wonder where his phone was. 

 

*

 

Chanyeol was pacing again.  Sehun argued with him about hanging up, because it was obvious Baekhyun had left his phone behind and left, but Chanyeol didn’t want to break the tenuous connection with him, especially after he’d just received such a shock.  When Chanyeol’s phone rang about half an hour later, it startled him out of a fitful doze. 

 

He didn’t recognise the number, and answered tentatively. 

 

“Is this Park Chanyeol?” 

 

He frowned, suddenly fearing the worst.  “Yes,” he offered. “Who’s this?” 

 

“I’m Kim Teoyeo, a nurse with Tanhun Hospital.  You’re listed in Byun Baekhyun’s file as his emergency contact, and I’m calling to inform you he’s been in a car accident.”

 

Chanyeol felt faint, his face white.  He swayed, and dropped into a chair as his legs gave out beneath him.  For a long moment, he couldn’t say anything. “Is he – he’s not – tell me he’s not… dead,” he whispered.  

 

“I’m not allowed to give out details over the phone,” the nurse said.  “But I’m sure he’d appreciate a visit,” she added. 

 

Chanyeol hung up and dropped the phone, too startled to even cry.  They’d told Baekhyun about that video and then he’d gone out and gotten into a wreck and now he was dead, and the last thing Chanyeol had ever said to his face was an angry “ _ Fuck you, _ ” and now he was never going to get to say anything else.  

 

Sehun came back in with coffee and Luhan.  He took one look at Chanyeol’s face and rushed to his side.  “Chanyeol, what’s wrong? What happened?”

 

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol said, and then couldn’t decide how to finish the statement.  “Hospital,” he gasped finally. “Car wreck!” He pushed past Sehun and fled the building.  He knew where the hospital was, and decided he could walk to it. It might take a little longer than driving, but in his shock, with the fact that Baekhyun had wrecked, he wasn’t about to get on his motorcycle.  

He made it to the hospital with no memory of how he’d arrived, and then forgot his own name.  He wasn’t helped by the fact that standing just outside the doors, laughing together happily, were Himchan and his boyfriend, Dae-something.  They laughed harder when they saw him. 

 

“Your relationship was weak,” Himchan called.  Baekhyun forgotten for a moment, Chanyeol approached them.  

 

“What?” 

 

Himchan sneered.  “We had a bet,” he said.  “I bet Daehyun we couldn’t break you two up, because I was pretty sure you had a better game than that.”

 

“But it was so easy,” Daehyun said, smirking.  “I didn’t even have to do anything and Baekhyun jumped on me.” He waggled his finger in Chanyeol’s face.  “You should take better care of your boyfriends. Otherwise they might end up in the hospital, all alone.” 

 

Chanyeol raised his fist, ready to punch Daehyun in the face.  “You motherfucker, it was you in that video. You’re the reason he’s in the hospital, you son of a bitch.”  Chanyeol’s voice was low and dangerous. He’d never felt particularly violent before, but he’d never wanted to kill someone as much as he wanted to kill Daehyun.  

 

Himchan intervened.  “Chanyeol, stop,” he said.  “If your relationship wasn’t so weak, we wouldn’t have been able to get between you.” He put his nose in the air and looked down at Chanyeol.  “It’s such a shame,” he added. Chanyeol swung at him, and then found a gun in his face. 

 

Daehyun smirked.  “Touch him, and I’ll kill you,” he said smoothly.  

 

Chanyeol scowled.  


	7. Forgiveness

 

Chanyeol found himself staring down the barrel of a gun, wondering if his life was going to come to an end without ever having a chance to apologise to Baekhyun, who might yet still be lying dead in the morgue, a sheet covering his face, his eyes closed forever.  

 

“Come on, do it,” Daehyun urged, smirking.  Himchan, far from the solicitous friend and lover he’d been lately, looked on as though this was the most entertaining thing he’d seen all day.  Chanyeol wasn’t sure which was more unbelievable, the fact that they’d broken into his and Baekhyun’s relationship on purpose, or the fact that they were standing here calmly threatening to kill him like a couple of hitmen.  

 

Behind them, a flashing light announced the arrival of the police, accompanied by a single  _ whoop _ of the siren.  Daehyun pocketed the gun quickly, but not before the cops surrounded the trio, their own weapons drawn.  

 

“Put the gun down and step away!” 

 

Daehyun scowled at Chanyeol, who backed up.  Then Himchan stepped away from him. Alone, Daehyun set the handgun down and allowed the cops to handcuff him.  Another officer approached Chanyeol. 

 

“Are you alright?” 

 

He nodded.  “Shaken up.”  

 

The cop took his statement about the brief fight, and let him go.  Chanyeol immediately raced for the nurse’s station just inside the doors.  It was she who’d seen Daehyun pull the gun, and who’d called the cops quietly.  

 

“Byun Baekhyun, which room is he in?” he gasped.  

 

“Who are you?”

 

“Park Chanyeol,” he said, belatedly.  “Please!” 

 

She tapped a few keys on her computer, and then apparently saw his name on Baekhyun’s file, because she smiled.  “Room five-oh-nine,” she said. Chanyeol heard Sehun’s voice behind him, but didn’t pause, aiming for the stairs and taking off at a near run.  Finally on the fifth floor, he was suddenly afraid of what he would find when he arrived. Would Baekhyun be battered, bruised, bloody? Or would he lie there peacefully on the pillow, looking as though he was sleeping?  He found the room, and hesitated to enter, unsure. 

 

A nurse slipped out, and jumped to see him so close.  “Oh, are you Chanyeol?” she asked. He nodded wildly. “He’s just gone to sleep, but you can go in,” she said.  Chanyeol pushed past her and took in Baekhyun’s prone form, forgetting the near-trauma he’d just endured on the front steps. Baekhyun’s head was bandaged, and he was wearing a cast, and a lot of tubes and wires, but otherwise he seemed okay.  As he came closer, Chanyeol realised there was a bruise on his cheek. He’d never looked more beautiful. 

 

“Baekhyun,” he whispered.  “I’m so sorry!” Throwing himself across Baekhyun’s body, the tension of the last half hour caught up with him in a cathartic release of tears.  Then he realised he was crying for the last three weeks, as well, and probably the last six months, too. “I love you!” 

 

Baekhyun coughed slightly and Chanyeol raised his head to look at him, seeing that his eyes were open.  Without thinking about it, Chanyeol leaned up and kissed him, grateful beyond words that Baekhyun was alive to hear him say the words.  

 

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean a word of it, I’m stupid and I understand if you hate me but I had to say it, I love you and I’m sorry and I love you,” he babbled.  

 

Baekhyun blinked at him in silence, and then his eyes filled up with tears of his own.  “I love you too,” he said. To Chanyeol, it was as if the sun rose and scattered the dull greys of his life with colour at the sound of his beloved voice.  

 

“I’m such a fucking idiot,” Chanyeol admitted.  “So stupid, I let you go and nearly lost you. It was the worst mistake of my life,” he vowed.  “And I’m never going to let you go again – if… if you’ll have me back.” 

 

Baekhyun bit his lip, and for a moment, Chanyeol feared the confession was a little too late.  Then Baekhyun reached for him, drawing him closer and holding him tightly. Chanyeol could feel him shaking.

 

“So much has happened,” he said.  “I was so scared. But I missed you so much.  I forgive you,” he promised. 

 

“You don’t know the half of it,” Chanyeol whispered, and they laughed softly, releasing the tension.  Baekhyun shifted over and Chanyeol crawled into the hospital bed beside him. It was a tight fit, but Chanyeol’s eyebrows rose.  “Want to suggest to Kris that he should renovate room five to look like a hospital?” 

 

Baekhyun smacked his arm and laughed, covering his mouth when it turned into a yawn.  

 

“Too soon?” Chanyeol asked, feeling like he was trying to walk over eggshells in combat boots.  

 

“Too tired,” Baekhyun mumbled.  “I think they gave me something for the pain.”  The corners of his lips turned white, and Chanyeol stroked his hair. 

 

“I won’t let anyone hurt you while you sleep,” he promised, reading Baekhyun’s mind.  

 

“I,” Baekhyun said.  “I’m really happy to see you again.  But…”

 

Chanyeol knew a moment of perfect despair.  “You don’t want to get back together,” he filled in, feeling his heart break all over again.  

 

“No, I do,” Baekhyun corrected.  “But…” he swallowed. “After what Daehyun did, I don’t think I’m going to be … good.  For a while.” 

 

“You’re always good,” Chanyeol said fiercely, realising what Baekhyun was saying.  “Never let him make you feel worthless, because to me you are worth everything. I’ll wait as long as you need,” he promised.  

 

“But you’ll get bored,” Baekhyun whimpered, biting his lip.  Chanyeol kissed him. 

 

“No, I won’t.  I’ve tried living without you, and I’ve even lived through thinking you were dead.  I would rather sit beside you forever than never see you again, I swear it.” 

 

Baekhyun bestowed the most beautiful smile Chanyeol had ever seen on him.  “Thank you,” he whispered. “Chanyeol, I love you.” 

 

“And I love you.”  

 


	8. Epilogue: Ten Years Later

 

“And, cut!  That’s a wrap, everyone!  Good job!” Chanyeol cupped his hands around his mouth to give the all-clear.  The two guys on the bed, sweaty and covered in lube and other bodily fluids looked at each other like the entire room had disappeared around them.  Baekhyun flipped off his camera and grinned at Chanyeol. 

 

“Where do you find these kids?” he asked, leaning up to give his lover a kiss.  Chanyeol shrugged, tugging him closer by planting two hands on each side of his ass and practically grinding into him.  Baekhyun melted, leaning into him and kissing back. 

 

“Guys, get a room,” Sehun hollered.  Luhan hovered behind him, holding a phone.  

 

When Chanyeol moved towards them, Baekhyun held him back and kissed him one more time, just because he was so unbelievably happy.  When Chanyeol finally disengaged, Luhan was talking into the phone. 

 

“I hope you don’t actually want to talk to them,” he was saying.  “Ever since they got married, they’ve been insufferable.” Baekhyun’s face lit up at the reminder of their recent ceremony, and he beamed at the ring on his finger that tied him to Chanyeol for the rest of his life.  

 

“Who’s on the phone?” Chanyeol called, finally.  

 

“Kris!  He and Tao got a puppy, apparently,” Sehun said.  Chanyeol jogged over to them and picked the phone out of Luhan’s grasp.  

 

“So you’ve got a kid now?” 

 

Kris sighed.  “It seems like it, with the way Tao’s been going on,” he muttered.  “He’d have it in clothes if I let him. Congratulations on getting married.   You should have invited us, we’d have flown back.” 

 

“We didn’t have your address,” Chanyeol argued.  “Because believe me, we tried.” 

 

“There is such a thing as a telephone,” Kris said archly.  

 

“Which we attempted.  It helps if you actually answer it when it rings.” 

 

“Oh fine,” Kris grumped.  “So how’s my company doing?” 

 

“ _ My _ company is doing great,” Chanyeol said slyly.  Baekhyun elbowed him, took the phone and put it on speaker. 

 

“ _ Our _ company is doing great,” he corrected, grinning widely.  “It’s more popular than ever with Baekho and Ren as our main stars, and we’re even looking to add another three sets.  We’re going to need to hire some new people soon, as well. How’s Cheju Island?” 

 

“Warm,” Kris said.  “Salty. Peaceful. It’s so wonderful here.  I’d invite you all for a visit, but I’m actually enjoying not having to babysit.” 

 

“What about the dog?” Baekhyun asked.  Kris groaned. 

 

“Exactly,” he said.  “I can’t handle the dog  _ and _ Kai,  _ and  _ Sehun.  How’s the rest of the kids doing, anyway?”

 

“Kai’s boyfriend Kyungsoo finally opened his own pastry shop, and it’s one of the most popular stores in Seoul,” Baekhyun said.  “Especially since Kai, Sehun and Luhan all work there now. Chen recently started filming his first mainstream action movie,  _ Killer Edge, _ it should debut sometime next year.  We’ve got Baekho and Ren, and they’re doing alright.  Not as good as Chanyeol and I,” Baekhyun snickered. Sehun echoed it. 

 

“You two are legends, though,” he said.  Kris squawked through the phone. 

 

“Tao, the dog does not sleep in our bed!” he said, mock-angrily.  They could hear Tao whining in the background, and laughed. “I’m gonna go,” Kris said.  “You have my new address now, and my phone number, so don’t let another year go by before I hear from you, or I’m going to come back up there and track you down.” 

 

“Scary,” Baekhyun said.  They all said their goodbyes, and he hung up, leaning into Chanyeol.  “Do you think we could retire somewhere warm one day?” he mused. 

 

“Anywhere you want,” Chanyeol agreed, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.  Baekhyun watched their two new actors stir and begin cleaning themselves up, unselfconscious in their nudity.  It was a little weird not acting anymore, when he’d dedicated a good portion of his life to the adult film trade under Kris’s direction, but with Kris and Tao’s retirement a year ago, he and Chanyeol had jointly taken over the reins of the company and things were still going strong.  

 

Noticing nearly everyone else had cleared out, Baekhyun tugged Chanyeol up against the nearest wall and kissed him languidly.  “I think we have reservations tonight,” Chanyeol whispered. 

 

“Is that tonight?  I was  _ so _ hoping we could just go home and get naked,” Baekhyun teased.

 

“What reservations?” Chanyeol asked.  Baekhyun laughed, and grinned, happier than he’d ever dreamed it was possible to be.  The bell over the door jangled, and announced a visitor. Baekhyun disentangled himself from Chanyeol and went to see who it was.  

 

A pair of attractive young men, at least half-foreign by the look of them, were standing in the lobby.  

 

“Welcome to  _ Sinful Confessions, _ ” Baekhyun greeted.  “How can I help you?” 

 

“We’re looking for uh,” one of them started, and the other elbowed him, unconsciously echoing Baekhyun from earlier.  

 

“ _ That’s him, you idiot, _ ” the second man hissed, and straightened.  “I’m Mark Tuon, and this is my partner Jackson Wang.  We’re looking for a job.” 

 

Jackson stared at Baekhyun, who took in his worshipful gaze with aplomb.  “Well, I’m sure we can get you set up somewhere,” Baekhyun said. “Follow me, we’ll do a skit and a screen test.” 

 

*

 

After a surprisingly tasty dinner, Baekhyun fulfilled his promise, stripping his clothes off the moment the door closed behind them.  Chanyeol laughed low in his chest, and followed him into the bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes behind him. They kissed slow and long, fingers dragging over skin, knowing each other intimately after so many years together.  They made love languidly, celebrating each other’s bodies and their uninhibited feelings for one another. In the afterglow, they lay in silence, facing each other, with matching grins on their faces. 

 

After ten years, they were still stupidly in love.  


End file.
